Drinking some green tea

and so its been another month and more, almost two months to be more precise since my last entry.

Well, I completed my 10km run for the run in the dark event in an hour. My aim was achieved ! haha
During October and the beginning of November, I’ve been working every single day at the accessories shop, and without break, continued on with my take away life. They were tiring days, but somehow I felt that they were worth it. I had more responsibilities to take care of and I definitely learnt to take initiative at work and to have purpose whilst working. I enjoyed the process very much. After exhausting days at work, I got to see Hot Chocolate in town, and to hang out with him and his friend. We grew much closer and I had more time to comprehend him more despite working routinely, how ironic.

According to him, we went to our first proper date on the 2nd of November 🙂 I was getting ready to get off work. He stood outside waiting for me. As I walked out the door I saw him… he was dressed up with a shirt and jumper and was wearing his goofy but cute glasses. He requested me to turn around, so I did. When it was ready for me to turn back around, he held out a bunch of red roses for me. My heart melted.

We walked hurriedly to the place he wanted to bring me. It turns out, to be the Sugar Club and on that night, they were showing Spirited Away 🙂 I was overjoyed with happiness and excitement. We had pizza and wine during the movie. After the movie we got some Gino Ice Cream.

Hes been wonderful to me every single day, even days after our long chats about ‘ so what are we’ chats. I can honestly say I am really happy being with him. He makes me laugh like a child. He helped me to remember a lot of childhood and teenager experiences that I thought I long forgotten. He cares and he listens. Mostly importantly, he accepts my flaws.

Anyways, carrying on through the month, I remember we went to a food tasting event, afterwards, he brought me to watch a French contemporary dance/drama called L’Oubliee, in the Abbey Theater.

He finally had the chance to make me Pho. Knowing that he spent a night trying to make pho prior to his ‘official’ pho for me, then watching him prepping and cutting the ingredients, tasting and being all nervous about the final product, I honestly didn’t mind how it’ll turn out. It’ll be delicious to me no matter what. And genuinely speaking, the pho was mouth-drizzling and soul warming 🙂 Later on the night, we went to watch the Hunger Games. He also realised he was already hired in his new workplace after his interview  XD. We were official.

I feel like I can go on and on with this entry, so I will type out the most recent thing we did.

Yesterday after town, he came to my house to listen to my new CD, Adeles 25. We drank a pot of green tea whilst listening to it. It was simple, but I enjoyed every moment of our time together.

I said I love you, to you for the first time too : )

x

 

 

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Honest post

To people, I am seen to be a bubbly, easy-going, chilled and friendly person Quite carefree and overly optimistic. At least to the extent that my demeanor is not mistaken for being cold and unapproachable. I am rather blunt and straightforward. I do recognize myself to be a quintessential of a determined and strong-willed person.

However, for those who don’t know me too well I am a fairly guarded person. I do keep a distant from people. I tend not to reveal a lot about myself or expose my true emotions to people.

Being vulnerable is a huge attribute when it comes to  having a deep intimate sincere relationship with someone. Whether in friendship or romance. When you become vulnerable you allow your most truest self be exposed to the world. You let your heart wide open, unguarded and available to be loved or hurt. That is the moment you put your trust in someone and give your heart to them, where you believe they would love you just as you are.
Sometimes I can seem to be disinterested in people who courageously approach me. I apologize to those I hurt by my lack of expression.

Although I try to convince myself that I don’t need anybody. That I am an independent strong women… the kind like ‘ I don’t need no man’. But I came to realization that the reason why I shut people out or why I distant myself emotionally from people..is that I am afraid and I fear. Fear motivated by rejection, failing in love, being misunderstood, being labelled, being criticized..or even the fear of people leaving when they find out who I truly am.

I also learnt that I can only be vulnerable after knowing your worth. Being okay with all of you. Loving yourself unconditionally.

I want reveal my most authentic self to those who I love. To those who surround me. I want them to experience who I am. I want to form deep sincere connections with people.

To truly love, is to be vulnerable.

experiences

it has been a year and a month since I officially graduated from my undergraduate program, additionally over a year of working part-time.

I had this urge to type this post out for many days, but haven’t got the chance to. Anyways, here it goes.

Ever since working, I learnt a lot of skills, for example, working under pressure; being organised; dealing with difficult people and complicated situations; having to be punctual(essential); doing more than I was asked to do etc etc I think more or less, all the very generic skills you gain from working in sales or customer base services. My communication skills improved a lot. I’m more willing to talk to strangers; and also more willing to express myself in given circumstances.

As the year went by, I began to notice the things I still need to change and learn. I noticed that I still have trouble with time-keeping and being on time; I’m on my phone a lot( damn you social media!); I’m impatient with customers..and I get so irritated so easily by small things. I mean I become so angry when people blame me for things that was clearly not my fault. I sometimes allow my emotions to obscure judgement. I become rude and egotistic. Deep inside, I recognize that that is how the real work. People work like that and if you’re not in the position to say anything then you kind of have to STFU or apologize.

To be honest, the list of bad stuff I noticed about myself can go on and on…but the point to this post is that….. I’m glad to have all the opportunities to work in many different areas during my year out of college. Not only have I better my communication with people, my confidence level elevated. I also discovered who I really am on the inside. Having to face different situations – the ugly side of me springs out into the air

Outer Beauty is transient and impermanent. It leaves you little by little every single day.  Beauty deceives. Beauty is skin deep.Character and integrity requires time to build. They are the qualities that can never leave you nor can be ever taken from you. I don’t desire outer beauty, but the latter.

WD 1600BMV PASSPORT

and so

after spending a day and more attempting to recover photos, years and years, dated back since 2007, from my dear dear….dearest hard drive….

Recovery fail

Over 8 years worth of memory… seem to just vanished into thin air – silly me for not creating a back up file, or burn the photos onto a disk..or just print the photos out and put them into a lovely physical photo album.

Frustrated? Yes I am. Upset? Most definitely, but I’m getting over it.

I mean, more memories will be created over time. Life goes on and more exciting happenings will happen, and I am going to try to capture them all, not only with my phone or camera…but also with my eyes, my ears, my nose, and my touch.

Major and minor events that happened in the past will always be in my memories, but ya our eyes are placed in front of us for a reason, to keep looking forward.

“This Ain’t Goodbye”

You and I were friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only 2 who understood this place
And as far as we know
We were way before our time
As bold as we were blind
Just another perfect mistake
Another bridge to take
On the way of letting go,

This ain’t goodbye
This is just where love goes
When words aren’t warm enough to keep away the cold
This ain’t goodbye
It’s not where our story ends
But I know you can’t be mine, not the way you’ve always been
As long as we’ve got time
Then this ain’t goodbye
Oh no, this ain’t goodbye

We were stars up in the sunlit sky
No one else could see
Neither of us ever thought to ask why
It wasn’t meant to be
Maybe we were way too high
To ever understand
Maybe we were victims of all the foolish plans
We began to devise

I’m so hungry

522814_357196974373717_1109172484_nIf you really want something in life, go and work hard for it. It’s true I worry too much. I worry so much about failing that I don’t even start trying. I worry about all the possibilities of what might go wrong than to think about all the opportunities that things could go right and even better.

Its easy to say , just stop worrying. I believe its not that easy. To stop worrying, I need to fill my mind with something else – to replace the worries with hope and faith. Anything that was meant to be, will work out in the end….maybe not today,  maybe not tomorrow nor this year or next (*Inspired by Sam in Bristol lol).. but so long you don’t give up and stop trying, and so long you can breathe and live…things will work out. Dont over complicate or analyze Fiona. Be in the moment. Be present.

The title of this post has not relation to the post itself.

156958_10151135176535583_2048918694_n This was taken in John Lewis (Sheffield) back in 2012.

I don’t understand why, I’m finding it harder and harder to express my feelings, to anyone.. It is like every time I attempt to express them, a huge shutter falls down in front of me or my inner voice became mute .

Do we lose vulnerability as we grow older?

Love requires vulnerability. Until I can be vulnerable, I can’t truly love.